


Verurteilt

by avcrozz



Category: VALORANT (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, I love killjoy, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Omen is fucking mental, Slow Burn, killjoy deserves love, this ship deserves love, will add tags as I continue the story lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26019037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avcrozz/pseuds/avcrozz
Summary: The VALORANT protocol is finally getting a new recruit, it having been months since its last one. Killjoy is the German genius, quirky and happy-go-lucky if a little awkward; known for creating defensive bots and grenades to control the field. Everyone is excited for her arrival - except for a few of the more held-back agents.Cypher is instantly chosen to show her around and accompany her on the first few missions, mostly due to being seen as being similar, with their knacks for gadgets; but also partly because they want the quiet, secretive agent to potentially open up.Cypher has secrets he isn't willing to part with; broken and scarred from his past. Killjoy has a knack for opening up robotics and people alike; but Cypher is manipulative; tougher to crack than most. That certainly won't stop her from trying.
Relationships: Killjoy/Cypher
Comments: 55
Kudos: 104





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay okay okay, I'm just gonna say that I fucking LOVE killjoy full homo. She's cute and her quotes are hilarious, and she also perfectly fits my playstyle. okay gushing aside, there are NO fics that feature her as a main character (just the one that have her as a side character) despite her being out for a few weeks now, and that is a CRIME. I'm definitely not biased, being both a cypher and killjoy name, I've always thought these two would go really well together, their affinity for gadgets, their personalities are polar opposites but I think they'd work. 
> 
> i'm super stoked for this, hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> Also we have barely any lore for valorant right now, even less for Killjoy since she is still new. So this might end up being non canon compliant later on if and when we do get more lore.
> 
> Also I'm gonna try and have Killjoy include german words in her speech from time to time - as a person who speaks 2 languages I definitely sometimes substitute Dutch words for English ones without meaning to. Tell me if it's excessive, I'm trying something new here. My german isn't the best, so if any German-speaking readers have critisims, please lemme hear!

Night was starting to dawn. 

The new arrival was slated to be here at any moment. All of the agents were waiting - some less willingly than others - in anticipation; it had been months since their latest recruit, Reyna. They didn't know much about the new agent, other than that her name was Killjoy, she hailed from Germany, and she had a knack for gadgets. Cypher, along with Omen and Viper, was lurking far back unhappily, playing with a tripwire between his fingers.

He was in a foul mood. Brimstone had let him know that he would be the one to give Killjoy a tour, and he'd be the one slated to accompany her on her first few missions. "Your fighting styles are similar," Brim had explained, "I'm sure you'll make a good team. Plus, you need to put yourself out there more, Cypher. I'm sure it'll benefit the both of you."

So, yes, he was definitely not happy. He just hoped she wasn't annoying or prying. "Here she is!" an excited Jett exclaimed, dashing forth to greet the girl. She had an interesting appearance to her - round glasses framed her face, a small backpack on her back, and clothing that Cypher could only describe as hipster. _She'll never camouflage herself like that,_ Cypher thought bitterly. She donned a green beanie, a strange, bright yellow fluffy jacket with purple X's on both shoulders, as well as black ripped jeans. She certainly looked...odd.

"You're Killjoy, right?" Jett was barely giving the poor girl time to respond. "Brim has told us so much about you!" That was untrue - Brimstone had been extremely vague. 

"That's me, alright!" She spoke with a thick German accent, and while it was strange, it was oddly appealing to the ears. "My old leben was zoooo boring. I had to get out, get some action, you know?" Killjoy looked around sharply, and met Cypher's eyes suddenly and intensely. She seemed to scan his face, his appearance - eyes narrowing as if she were in thought, before she turned away to pay attention to Jett once more. 

Brimstone stepped forth now, clapping a hand to Cypher's back and nearly knocking him clean over with the force of it as he forced the Moroccan to step forward. "Well, hopefully you'll enjoy your time on the team, Killjoy. Cypher here'll be showing you 'round, and accompanying you on your first few missions. Hopefully you'll get along, yeh?" He turned to give Cypher a beady stare as he finished the line; Cypher scowled beneath his mask. 

"Speaking of which, your next mission is 7am sharp on Bind tomorrow. It ain't a big one, just the three clones to take down, so I'm sendin' Reyna with ya. Don't miss it." Cypher inwardly flinched at the mention of his once-home city, the place where his wife was buried. He hated going back there. He felt Killjoy's gaze drill into him, searching. _She's observant,_ Cypher noted. He would have to be careful with that.

"Well, it's getting late. Best you lot started to head to bed. Especially you two; you've got work in the morning." Brimstone turned and left; most of the agents save for Omen and Viper followed suite; those two appeared to be having a silent glaring match, arms crossed, Omen's fingertips furiously leaking shadow. Cypher could practically smell the intensity. He knew Omen and Viper had history; but he could never pry into either of their minds, and it infuriated him. 

"Come on then," Cypher huffed to his newfound companion. "I suppose I must show you around."

Killjoy stayed silent, and it unnerved Cypher slightly. He struggled to get a read on her; but he could tell she was curious about him. He needed to make sure he stayed unreadable; he suspected she may be the type to pry, and his secrets needed to remain safe.

Cypher quickly showed her the mess hall, the medbay where Sage was working on an injured Phoenix, the practice range, and finally the rooms. He noted that they had styled up a room that had previously been unused, but presumably was now in use for the new agent.

"Scheiße, this place is soo cool!" Killjoy appeared in awe. "Much more interesting than my alt place." She chuckled, apparently reminiscing something. Cypher fixed her with a steady glare. He secretly wonder how she'd fare as his teammate. Hopefully she wouldn't be too useless.

"Remember: we have a mission at 7 sharp tomorrow. Do not disappoint," Cypher spoke lowly.

He prowled off, leaving Killjoy watching him go; she could tell the man was hiding things and she was determined to pry into him. She could already tell he would be a tough nut to crack; but Killjoy always loved a challenge. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission on Bind ends up a breeze - however Killjoy ends up sticking her nose a little too far in Cypher's business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try my best to update this every Thursday (what do you mean I uploaded this on a Wednesday? Well, dear American reader, I couldn't sleep and noticed that the Valorant tag hadn't had any any updates in a few days, so I figured, why not. It's technically Thursday, right?) but be aware, this is my first time writing a multi chapter fic since I was 9 or 10, and I literally have NO IDEA what's going to happen. All I know is Killjoy is awkward, Cypher is angsty and edgy, and I want them together. Literaly just decided I wanted to write for this ship one day with no plot line in sight. I don't know if I'll finish this but I'll sure try - I'm quite busy at the moment as I'm about to go back to school but I'll be damned if I don't finish this fic. 
> 
> I'm also planning a little one-shot series for this ship just to fill up to the tag (think that Omen/Cypher series that someone else did) so look out for that. 
> 
> I'm also gonna be changing the name of this fic - I thought "alles klar" was German for "everything okay" or "everything ready", but it actually means "all right" which is the lamest title for a fic anyone could think of LMAO. I speak Dutch as a 2nd language and though I've studied German for years, since they're so similar you get clashes like this. I don't know what the new title will be but expect it to still be in German. 
> 
> Thanks for the support on the last chapter by the way! I was NOT expecting to get nearly 100 hits and 20 kudos on a fic for an unknown rarepair in a tiny fandom. I really appreciate that :)

Cypher and Killjoy both headed to the B site, as Reyna headed in the opposite direction on her own. As much as he hated the memories of this place, Cypher was genuinely curious on Killjoy's fighting style.

As he always did, Cypher set up tripwires and cameras in the perfect locations that were burned into his muscle memory. Much to his surprise, Killjoy did the same - but instead of tripwires and cameras, she appeared to use grenades and robots. Some kind of a sentry that kept watch at one of the entrances to the site. It looked...impressive. Perhaps the tales of "the genius of Germany" weren't as farfetched as he'd thought. Although he wasn't keen to admit it, he was interested to see how her gadgets functioned in battle.

The mission was easy as anything. It was like the clones weren't even trying; appearing one by one to get mowed down, barely even having the time to fire any shots off.

Cypher was uncomfortably aware that Killjoy kept stealing careful glances at him when she thought he wasn't watching. He didn't like how much she did that. He didn't like how observant she was. The new addition to the team had caused Cypher to become hyper aware of how obvious he was in moments when he let himself go - the other agents simply couldn't tell, or didn't care. He only hoped their following missions wouldn't be on Bind.

In a way, he wished the clones were more challenging. The long, long moments of silence and concentration only served as time to let his mind wander, memories resurface, something that was ever a dangerous thing for him. Memories were his worst enemies, he could not keep them down forever.

"It seems that's the last of them." Reyna's peculiar accent rang true and clear across the walkietalkie. "How disappointing..."

Cypher sighed in quiet relief. "I suppose we should start to pack up," he pointed out to the seemingly idle Killjoy, recalling his various gadgets back to him in swift moments. Killjoy turned to watch; seeming intrigued by the mechanisms in his gloves (they did share a few similarities after all) but she chose not to talk. In the same vein, Killjoy recalled her robotics in a similar fashion; a strange holographic device on her gauntlets; Cypher had to ponder how it worked.

No words were spoken between them as they headed back to the small camp just outside of the site; their plane back to VALORANT headquarters would arrive in the morning.

“Do what you wish with this spare time,” Cypher told Killjoy. “Our flight back will arrive in the morning.” The girl nodded in understanding; and Cypher added, “now if you’ll excuse me, I have some..things to do.” He only hoped his expression was unreadable.

This was a task he always took to on Bind. All of the agents knew of it; they never knew exactly what he got up to here, only that he needed to be alone for the duration. None of them had disturbed him since the…incident that occurred when Raze got too curious and Cypher lost his temper.

He shook the memory away and quietly made his way to the secluded garden that almost nobody knew about save for him. A rock erected in his late wife’s honor. Cypher only wished that he could give her a more beautiful grave; but his options were limited.

Cypher sighed; relieved that he could be alone with these bittersweet memories threatening to surface and overwhelm him.

“It should be me in this grave,” he murmured, gloved fingers tracing over the ridges and bumps in the rock mournfully. “I failed you. I should be the one dead.” Cypher gripped the grave tightly, fingers curling into claws as he attempted to stifle the tears that threatened to fall.

He took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself, realising his breathing was starting to tighten and speed up. He wrapped his arms around the rough rock of the headstone; closing his eyes and trying his best to imagine that he was holding Nora in his arms. It almost worked – until he was quickly jolted back to reality by the snapping of twigs.

Cypher bolted up so quickly his coattails whipped back and forth. Instinctively, a hand went to the pistol in his holster; eyes whipping around, scanning his surroundings for the source of the noise – maybe just a simple rodent?

He was about to deem it the wind, or a mouse, when his eyes caught a flash of bright yellow in the vegetation. His eyes narrowed in annoyance. “Killjoy. I know you’re there, you know.”

  
More rustling; and the girl revealed herself, pawing leaves and branches that clung stubbornly to her hair and jacket. Cypher was surprised he hadn’t noticed her sooner; he supposed he was distracted. Killjoy’s bright jacket stood out like a sore thumb.

“Cypher! I wondered where you went. Ist so boring back at camp…nothing to do.” Killjoy laughed briefly.

“How did you find this place.” It was not a question, but a demand. No one simply stumbled upon this place, especially not someone who had never been here before. If Killjoy had followed him, he would have noticed sooner.

Killjoy appeared to realize his serious, almost threatening tone; her face stiffened and jaw clenched; however her careless, jolly tone of voice never left. “I asked Reyna where you went. She did warn me not to come, but...” She trailed off with a sheepish grin. Cypher growled; cursing Reyna under his breath. Usually Reyna wasn’t so bad at keeping secrets. Had Killjoy been that annoying and prying?

He wasn’t even sure how to feel about Killjoy’s intrusion. Annoyed, certainly. Angered? He didn’t feel particularly angry, not on the level he was when Raze did the same. Upset? Saddened? He wasn’t even certain what he felt, and that was what irritated him the most.

“Cypher?” He blinked. When had she gotten so close? She was in front of him now, he was staring into brown eyes framed by glasses, concern evident in those brown eyes. Was she truly worried about him? 

“Are you okay? Cypher?” Half gloved fingers resting on his shoulder, a gentle but firm grip shaking him out of the confines of his mind. He shook his head briefly; focusing on her – long brown hair, eyes hidden behind round glasses, the green beanie perched happily upon her head.

“I’m…” His voice was so damn unsteady, like a small child that had just had a nightmare. _Get a hold of yourself, Cypher. Imagine if the others saw you like this._ “I’m fine. Just fine.” He became aware that he was expertly flipping a tripwire between each of his fingers; he didn’t even remember taking it out of his pocket. 

The lie was blatant. He knew Killjoy could tell by the way her eyes narrowed as she scanned his masked face; but nonetheless she stepped back and released her grip on his shoulder, however she never released her filtering gaze from his face. Cypher was glad that his mask both hid his emotions, and the fact that he’d been crying.

“How did you find this place, anyway?” Killjoy promptly changed the subject, gazing around the secluded little area. The nice thing about having a cheap, poorly made headstone was that few realised that it was actually a grave. Raze hadn’t noticed either.

Cypher glared in response to the question. That woman truly pried too much for her own good. “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s none of your business anyway.”

Killjoy huffed and turned back to him. For a dreaded moment Cypher thought she would continue to try and get an answer out of him, but apparently she realized it was a touchy subject and didn’t push it.

“The scenery is amazing here. Far better than anything I’ve ever seen in Deutschland.” She wandered through; inspecting the garden, all of the plants that Cypher had planted with care here many years ago. His heart lurched when Killjoy made to step right over the spot where Nora was buried. He leaped forward with more speed than even he thought possible in himself, grabbing hold of Killjoy’s arm and yanking her back so hard that she yelped in surprise and pain.

“Was zum Teufel?!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing?”

She almost fell over from the force; but Cypher was kind enough to correct her and help her upright. She had a look of shock on her face as she gently rubbed the arm that Cypher had manhandled. 

“Just…just don’t walk there.” Cypher hoped he came off as apologetic. Killjoy didn’t appear angry though.

“Why not?” she questioned. Cypher’s face stiffened and he stayed quiet. _Why must she question everything?_

“You’re not going to answer, are you?” Killjoy sighed. At least she was a quick learner. “Fine. I guess I’ll head back…my bots need repairing.” With that, she was gone. Cypher somehow doubted that was true.

He sighed as he was alone once again. Somehow Killjoy’s absence left a pang in his chest. Perhaps he enjoyed her company a little more than he wanted to let on. He sighed and practically collapsed by Nora’s headstone, pulling himself into a sitting position. He didn’t know what to feel anymore. He wished Nora were here. She always knew how to make him feel better.

If only she were still here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm highkey really insecure and hate this fic, I considered deleting it a few times but i really want to finish it. I'm just gonna try and finish it and -hopefully- even 1 person enjoys it lol.

Two weeks. Fourteen days.  
That’s how much time had passed since Killjoy had joined the VALORANT Protocol. Thirteen days since her…incident with Cypher.  
Since day one, Cypher had piqued her interest. He was secretive, strange, and he hid his face. Killjoy was an inventor, she was naturally very observant, and she could clearly tell there was more to Cypher than what he let on.  
Cypher had been avoiding her except when required ever since what had happened in the garden in Bind. Killjoy was still unsure what had been so important that she had been about to step on; she had asked but Cypher refused to tell her. That only served to fuel her curiosity. Many of the agents had secrets – Viper and Omen most obviously – but Cypher was different. He seemed like he struggled. As if he needed help but was too closed up to look for it.

Killjoy was no therapist, but she was observant, and she was determined. 

She’d asked around the other agents. None of them seemed to know a thing – or they simply told her not to pry into others’ business, a phrase she’d heard many times over the years.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by some rather violent thumping and yelling. Was there an attack? 

Killjoy quickly grabbed the alarmbot she’d been idly tinkering with from the desk, shoving it into its special pocket in her jeans, before exiting her room and going for the direction of the yelling.

She could recognize voices now. Omen; she noted he sounded particularly threatening when he was upset. She realized with confusion that the commotion was coming from Cypher’s room. She had to wonder what business Omen had with him.   
Killjoy pawed open the door quietly, not yet willing to make her presence known. An interesting scene met her eyes; Cypher’s usual mask discarded on the bed, disorderly flocks of dark hair escaping from beneath his usual hat; disgruntled expression on his face as Omen’s talons were wrapped around his throat, holding him against the wall.   
“You promised her no such thing,” he snarled, and Killjoy could see streaks of wispy shadows emitting from his claws and under his hood. Omen certainly had more secrecy to him than even she could start to imagine.  
“Relax, Omen,” Cypher tried, voice clearly straining against the claws digging into his gullet, “I simply-“  
His sentence was cut off in a gurgled choke as Omen brought his other hand to clutch Cypher’s throat and squeezed hard to cut off Cypher’s airflow. Killjoy had to bite back a gasp; she had to wonder if Omen planned to kill the other. Would she need to intervene?  
“You will go back to her and take it back,” Omen snarled. “You know what she did! To you! To me! She took everything. Broke the natural balance in two.” Cypher was practically turning purple; one gloved hand clutching at Omen’s shadowy claws, the metallic middle flickering uselessly as Cypher made a similar motion that he would when recalling a wire.   
“Do you understand?” Omen seemed to know he wouldn’t be able to keep such a thing up without outright killing Cypher, so he released the other; Cypher collapsing with panicked, heavy breaths – as Omen stomped out of the room, acknowledging Killjoy only with a simple nod.   
“Cypher?” Killjoy entered. “What was that about? Are you all right?”  
She wasn’t expecting a response and she didn’t get one. Cypher was rubbing his slightly bleeding throat; gasping for air. Killjoy had never seen Omen so violent, not even during missions; he was usually laid back, if a little tense.   
“I’ve never seen Omen like that before…towards a teammate no less,” Killjoy wondered aloud. She knew Cypher wouldn’t give her any details. He never did. Besides, where would the fun be if he did, right?

“Viper.”   
Killjoy turned, surprised, not having expected him to speak. “What?”  
Cypher coughed a bit before continuing. “He was upset because of Viper. The two aren’t exactly friends.”  
“But why was he attacking you?” Killjoy asked in excitement – almost all of her questions up til this point had gone unanswered. But to her mild disappointment, Cypher gave her that glare that told that he wasn’t intending to answer. 

She kneeled down; Cypher still struggling for breath, sitting against the wall; and she gently brushed two fingers against Cypher’s abused throat, noting the way he flinched. “You should see Sage about that. A throat injury isn’t a joke.”  
“I’m fine,” Cypher grumbled, words which were custom to him at this point.   
“No, you’re not,” Killjoy shot back, surprising even herself. Why do you care? He’s a fool, why not let him be? a soft voice in Killjoy’s head spoke. She assured herself that she was simply worried for a teammate. “And if you don’t go, I’ll get some of my bots to ensure that you do.” 

Cypher glared but gave up quickly. He appeared to realise he was without his mask, because he bolted up to grab it and quickly put it back on. Killjoy had to wonder why he was so desperate to hide his face. There was so much she didn’t know. So much she longed to find out.   
She watched Cypher leave. Killjoy hated this. Hated being left with questions with no answers. It was something she’d never been able to stand. Something she, until now, had never stood for. She’d always been told as a child that curiosity would one day kill the cat, and always ignored the saying. She wanted to know about Cypher; what was he hiding? What was on Bind that seemed to upset him? What happened between Omen and Viper?

Disgruntled by all these unanswered questions swimming in her head, she quickly left to head to the practice range. She wanted some fresh air; perhaps working on that new mechanism for her turret would help to clear her thoughts. 

“Ah, Killjoy, was it?”   
Killjoy looked up in mild annoyance at the thick Russian accent. For the past hour and a half she’d been purely focused on upgrading her turret, and she was closer than she’d ever been to what she was attempting to accomplish.  
Sova was friendly with everyone, no matter who, or what, they were. He was generally well-liked and it was difficult to be annoyed with him for long.   
“Sova,” Killjoy greeted briefly; turning back to fiddling with the wiring in the firing mechanism of her turret.   
“Most people come here to practice their shooting,” Sova chuckled softly. She could feel his shadow loom over her as he attempted to catch a glimpse at her handiwork. “What is it you are doing?”  
“I’m working on fine-tuning the firing mechanism inside of my turret,” Killjoy explained brightly. She was always happy to talk about her inventions – it wasn’t often they got much recognition. “If I can get this to work properly, then it should be much quieter and have a longer range when firing, which should benefit us in future missions.” 

Sova hummed in response and headed towards the shooting range, pulling his ancient-looking bow and arrow from his back and shooting arrows with an expert precision. It was almost mesmerizing to watch. 

Both were silent for what felt like hours; Sova shooting arrows and occasionally guns as Killjoy worked away at her inventions. It was possibly the most peaceful she’d felt since joining the VALORANT Protocol, and it was nice. 

Just as night started to draw; Killjoy made a revelation. She had missed the tiniest detail and finally managed to finish her work. She swore triumphantly in German, double and then triple checking that everything was working as intended; which it was. She felt sore and stiff from sitting in the same position for so long, but it was worth it.

Sova had left hours ago, leaving her on her own to get some food and then get some sleep. Thinking about it now; Killjoy’s own stomach was growling. She recalled her newly enhanced turret into her bracer, before heading for the mess hall.

She spotted Cypher almost instantly; looking even more grumpy and downtrodden than usual, back hunched and picking at his food. She noticed Sage standing a few feet away, watching him sternly, and Killjoy couldn’t help but chuckle.   
Killjoy grabbed some bland-looking food and took a seat across from them. “Guten Abend Cypher, Sage,” she greeted.   
“Killjoy, what brings you here?” Cypher’s voice was incredibly hoarse and rough, and Killjoy suddenly recalled the events from a couple hours prior.   
“Oh, I just finished working on some upgrades for my bots. It’s hungry work, you know?” She laughed, attempting to lift some of the tension she could feel building. Cypher seemed…nervous somehow. Moments like these made Killjoy wish she knew the other better; what he was thinking, how he felt. Perhaps a mind-reading device was next on her list of potential inventions.   
“Thank you for sending him to me.” She looked up in surprise as Sage addressed her. “The aftermath of a near-strangling can have dangerous after effects; and we all know Cypher would not have sought me out on his own.” Sage gave Cypher a pointed but amused look at the last part. 

The Moroccan in question snorted. “I still do not understand why you fussed so much, Sage. Omen would not kill me, he values me.”  
Sage sighed; now sounding more grim and serious. “I do not think Omen understands his own power. We know so little about him, but it’s clear he has great difficulty containing his emotions, especially concerning Viper, and it tends to have potentially lethal outcomes. He can tear minds apart, make you relive your deepest, darkest fears, and rip your throat apart with ease – these things become problematic if he starts to use these abilities against his own teammates.” She sighed once more.  
“Thankfully we have not had too much difficulty controlling him and we have yet to need to restrain him, but it is worrisome to think about. I have been working with him to control his emotions, but he is certainly difficult.”   
Killjoy was intrigued, food forgotten. She gazed around the hall, but couldn’t catch a glimpse of Omen, whose faintly glowing body usually stood out blatantly. She wondered if he even needed to eat.   
“Well, I am going to bed. I would recommend you to do the same. Especially you, Cypher.” Sage shot the other a stern look. “Do not talk or put strain on your voice unless necessary, and drink plenty of water. If you are in bad pain, I have a special drink to help ease it.”   
Killjoy and Cypher shared a brief glance, before Cypher rose and left the hall, leaving Killjoy largely alone with her thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one in which Killjoy gets in over her head, Omen is fucking mental, Cypher relives his nightmares, and honestly Killjoy is left wondering what the actual fuck is going on at this point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wtf is going on in this story anymore I don't even know
> 
> The formatting on this got fucked up when I copied it from word and I'm too tired and dead to fix it lmao

Cypher often found that shooting bots in the range was a good way of distracting himself.  
Usually, he would tinker with his cameras or tripwires, making them sturdier or sometimes adding entirely new modifications. He was fresh out of materials now, though. Usually he ‘borrowed’ new ones from his fellow agents (Raze or Breach usually, they often let him get away with it). Perhaps Killjoy would have such materials as well; but he hadn’t seen her bad side yet and he wasn’t certain he wanted to. She was obnoxiously persistent and egotistical as is. 

It seemed his mind had wandered for too long, because the bots had reset back to their original positions. He had noticed his mind had been wandering far more frequently than he would like lately. What was wrong with him? He needed to stay focused. 

He decided that was enough practice for now, holstering his pistol and leaving the range. There wouldn’t be any missions for a few days, so the agents were pretty much free to do as they pleased. Most of them were standing about chatting idly, Jett and Raze were having some kind of argument with Viper and Reyna watching with dark scowls. 

That was when Cypher felt a burning gaze on the back of his neck. Cypher wasn’t even certain if Omen had eyes, but he could tell the other was shooting him an utterly withering gaze. Stood against a wall, arms crossed, claws twitching almost maniacally, wisps of shadow emitting from him gently.   
No one knew about Omen’s origins and he didn’t seem keen to share. All they knew was that he was constantly under some kind of strain, always a rough, pained undertone to his voice. Usually he spent his free time glaring daggers into Viper, so Cypher wasn’t certain why he had taken this grudge to him instead.  
Except, he did. For Cypher had history with Viper too. She had been a doctor once, a healer like Sage. She had been the one to patch him up after his many close calls. He wasn’t certain he would be alive now without her. 

He decided to cut off his train of thought there, before his memories overwhelmed him. He chose to ignore Omen’s beady gaze and just head back to his room.   
His throat tingled. The pain wasn’t gone. The bruising was bad, but Cypher never showed skin anyway, so he just opted to ignore it.   
He entered his room, to be greeted by what could only be described as a mess. There were cameras and tripwires all over the floor and tables. Some appeared functional, some were oddly bent, and some had signs of forced entry, with wires loose, some of them cut in half. He even noticed some missing wires in some of them.

Then, there was the culprit. That all-too familiar yellow jacket that could only be described as an eyesore. Cypher breathed out a huff of irritancy. How obnoxious.   
Killjoy snapped around at light speed upon realising he was there, a sheepish smile on her face and a tinted blush on her cheeks, looking akin to a deer caught in headlights. There was an ugly, loud clatter as the camera she had been messing with fell out of her hands in her surprise. 

“Cypher! I wasn’t expecting you to be here!” Killjoy chuckled. 

“I believe you may have forgotten that this is my room.” Cypher’s voice was steely and emotionless, masking his annoyance. He held out one hand; and the dropped camera flew into his palm, static electricity crackling around his glove. He examined it; it was just like the other cameras, clear signs of forced entry, missing wires, and odd dents in the metal. 

“Why are you messing with my things?” Cypher questioned. 

“Weeeelll…” Killjoy trailed off in reluctance. “One of my bots has started to malfunction and I am fresh out of materials to repair it with. I asked everyone and they all told me you would be the one to have what I need. Breach was very keen to let me know, actually.   
If this had been any of the other agents, Cypher would have given them his signature death glare, tell them to get out of his sight immediately in a steel cold, yet calm voice that reeked of intimidation. He almost never raised his voice (not that he could with his throat anyway).   
And yet he felt that he could not get angry with Killjoy. The engineer was egotistical and had curiosity and manners akin to a newborn kitten, but Cypher almost felt as if he had a duty to protect her; lead her. She was almost like a child to him.

What are you thinking? Cypher had never cared for any of the other agents. Why did he start now? What was special about Killjoy? She was clever, young, and cocky. That perfectly described Jett and Phoenix, and yet the two had never managed to do anything other than irritate Cypher, with their boundless energy and consistent yelling – so why didn’t Killjoy? 

“Earth to Cypher? Hello?” A half-gloved hand was being waved in front of his face. “Do I need to perform CPR?”   
Any of the agents making a joke like that would be nothing short of cringy, Cypher thought. And yet, when she does it, it’s…almost…amusing.   
He quickly snapped himself out of his stupor and focused on the framed faced in front of him. Those eyes almost reminded him of those of a puppy dog.   
“I just needed a couple of wires,” Killjoy explained. “It appeared that some of the wires in my sentry were worn, and it was causing some….uhm, undesirable side effects, hehe.” Cypher narrowed his cybernetic eyes. He had to wonder who had been on the receiving end of said undesirable effects. 

He should tell her to leave. And yet, her company is somewhat desirable. It’s a strange feeling to him; he had always considered himself someone who enjoyed his own company more than anything. But Killjoy had somewhat of a calming presence. He couldn’t explain it either.  
Killjoy seemed confused that he had not ordered her out yet either, merely looking at him with a gaze that seemed a mix between curious kitten and confusion.   
“…you could have asked me first, before wrecking all of my cameras,” Cypher sighed. He had many more, thankfully. The loss was not great. “I have plenty of spare wires. I suppose I could give you some.”  
“Really?” Killjoy seemed genuinely surprised, raising one finger to push her glasses up the bridge of her nose.   
Cypher jerked his thumb towards a small desk, littered with various parts, as well as broken cages, cameras and tripwires. “Take what you need.”   
Where had this generosity come from? He didn’t know. He was certain that if Raze, or Viper, or literally anyone, had come in and asked this of him, he would’ve promptly told them to fuck off.  
He needed to clear his head. He supposed trying to repair some of the damage done to his cameras would be a good distraction.

~~

Killjoy was shockingly quiet while she worked. Occasionally, Cypher would look up from his own work to see what she was doing – back hunched, occasionally tapping something on the odd bracelet she wore on her wrist, muttering in her native language.   
That did not last forever, though. At one point, Killjoy came up to him, with something in hand.   
“Cypher?”   
He looked up. When he noticed what she was holding, he nearly flinched.   
Doing his very best not to appear as shaken as he was; he responded, “Do you need something?” 

“Who is this?” Killjoy peered at what she held in her hand; a picture frame, pictured within was a beautiful, dark-skinned woman with hair black as a raven’s feather. She grinned into the camera; a genuine smile that spread from ear to ear. 

“Where did you find that.” Not a question; a demand. Cypher always made absolute certain that his personal possessions were hidden securely. His voice had morphed into something dark.   
Killjoy seemed startled by his sudden change in tone. “Well, I, well, I was looking through your-“   
Cypher did not let her finish. He snatched the photo from her and slammed it on his bedside table. He grabbed the front of her jacket and yanked her forward until their faces were almost touching, eliciting a yelp from the girl. 

“You look through my personal things without consent?” His voice was naught but a snarl. His anger was reaching boiling point; he almost wanted to strangle the girl. How dare she look through his things? Did she have no respect? Did she not realise how little he opened up?   
Did she not realise she betrayed his trust?   
“Calm down, calm down, mein Gott!” Killjoy begged. “I didn’t realise it was such a touchy subject!” He noticed that one of her hands reached for the bracelet on her left hand; Cypher caught it and harshly grabbed her hand, almost crushing her bony wrist as she grunted in pain.   
“Do you not realise?!” Cypher didn’t even realise his voice was raising; and frankly he was too upset to care. “There are limits. Boundaries! And you shattered every one of them!” His breathing was growing heavy, and it was having an effect on Killjoy; her free hand pushed feebly against his chest, she cowered; fear evident in her eyes. She had never seen Cypher like this before; nor had any of the other agents. 

“Cypher-“ 

“You come in here. Destroy my cameras. And when I generously allow you to stay, you…you…” He was too upset to even finish his sentence, simply growling furiously, increasing his grip on Killjoy’s wrist; cutting off her bloodflow and making her release a string of foreign curses.  
“Cypher, please!” Killjoy looked like she might be about to cry. “I didn’t mean to upset you so much, please, just calm down for a moment..!”   
Cypher was in no mood to listen to reason. He shoved her against a wall, one hand pressed uncomfortably into her collarbone, the other holding her wrist in a death grip so she could not summon any bots to assist her.   
“Never touch my things again.” Cypher snarled. “You can consider yourself lucky if-“   
A loud whoosh cut Cypher off. He craned his neck, to see inky shadows in the shape of a humanoid appearing behind him; within a second, Omen had materialized. Shadows oozed from his whole being, something that signalled he was irritated. 

“What the fuck is going on here?” Omen growled. “Was that you shouting, Cypher?” 

Cypher remembered Omen’s icy glare from earlier, burning holes into his back. Was he keeping watch on Cypher? But why?   
“What’s it to you?” Cypher demanded aggressively. That took Omen aback slightly; Cypher was usually calm and collected no matter what. Even when pinned down on a medical table while Sage bandaged his gunshot wounds, he rarely raised his voice.   
Despite that, Omen refused to take any bullshit. With another whoosh, he teleported in between Killjoy and Cypher, forcing him to break his grip. Killjoy crumpled to the floor, clutching her wrist; her hand almost blue from the lack of bloodflow, panting heavily. But neither paid her any mind.   
“I said, what the fuck is going on?!” Omen’s voice morphed into something terrifying. He grabbed Cypher by the collar and slammed him into the wall with considerable force; Omen’s talons slicing through cloth easily.   
“Get off me, Omen. You don’t scare me,” Cypher snarled.   
“Oh, but I can.” It was uncanny how Omen’s voice could go from a furious growl, to a purr in mere instants. A black swirl of mist appeared in the claws of his free hand, and he slammed his claws into Cypher’s face. 

Blackness. Then, the irritating sound of a tripwire being triggered. The flashing green light of a camera. Then, Nora.  
He saw her. Saw the bullet that pierced her heart. Saw the way he desperately tried to get in front of her, tried to be the one that died in her place, saw the way he cried into her limp, lifeless body-  
“Stop!” Cypher cried. “Make it stop!” He wasn’t aware when he’d fallen to the ground. Omen must have released him. He was curled into a ball. When had he done that? His hands covered his face like a frightened child, tears flowing as he sobbed.   
“Stop, Omen!” That was Killjoy. “What are you doing? Look at him!” 

“Look at what he did to you.” Omen’s voice was eerily calm now. Knowing him, he probably bathed in Cypher’s suffering. 

“I deserved it. I-I invaded his privacy. Cypher had every right to be angry..please stop scaring him…” 

“What in God’s name is going on in here?!” 

Cypher cracked one eye open. Brimstone’s authoritative, yet emotionless voice was unmistakable. He was scanning the room in disbelief and confusion.   
“Why are Cypher and Killjoy on the floor? Why are you here, Omen? You were set to leave for Ascent three hours ago.”  
“I am not going anywhere with that…animal.” Omen spat the word onto the floor. “Raze went in my place.”  
Brim sighed. “I know you hate Viper, but… can’t you at least give her a chance? Anyway, that’s besides the point. Why are these two on the floor?”   
Killjoy rose, seeming to recollect herself. “Well, uhm, me and Cypher got into an argument…then Omen just appeared out of nowhere and did…something. I think he was planting nightmares in Cypher’s mind or something.”  
Brimstone sighed deeply. “Omen, you’ve been in therapy for four years. And yet you still can’t refrain from using your powers on your allies?”   
Omen was silent.

“You know Cypher has possibly the most shrouded and traumatic past out of all of us. Why would you force him to relieve his darkest memories? It’s nothing short of cruel. What if you’ve traumatized him? What if he can’t work anymore? What if he leaves? We will have lost one of our most crucial agents because of you.”   
“He deserved it.” With a grunt and a loud woosh, Omen was gone.   
Brimstone pinched the bridge of his nose. “That Omen…”   
He turned to Killjoy. “Killjoy, please comfort Cypher. Being afflicted by Omen’s paranoia is no joke, especially since we don’t know just how dark Cypher’s worst memories are. From what I hear, he willingly allowed you to stay with him here and that is no small feat. Make sure he’s alright. I need to give Omen a talking to.”

With that, Brim was gone, and the two were alone once again.

Cypher had begun to shake. His mind wouldn’t stop replaying the scenario. Nora falling, him failing to protect her, failing to react in time, failing, failing, failure…  
You’re a failure…  
“Shut up…” Cypher murmured.   
A hand rested on his back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapters contains references of suicide. I'll mark the potentially triggering bits with ~ so you can skip it if you'd prefer.

Killjoy thought she might go into shock at any given moment.  
Just an hour ago, she was not-so-innocently taking wires and other crucial components from Cypher’s cameras. And now, here she was, wrist badly bruised and aching, comforting the once-stoic man.  
He was in a fetal position. Short, silent sobs racked his body over and over again. Killjoy had no idea what Omen had made him see, but it had clearly had a bad effect on him, as he was shaking and whimpering, whispering to himself quietly.  
She almost wished she could simply see inside of his head. Perhaps, then, she would have an easier time comforting him.  
Killjoy’s breaths were coming out quickly and unevenly; she had an oncoming headache, her wrist stung from where it had been not-so-gently grabbed. And now she was trying to bring Cypher back to her. The other was utterly unresponsive; he was now murmuring shaky words in a language she did not understand.  
She wondered why on earth Omen had been so quick to attack. He and Killjoy had barely spoken to one another – Omen didn’t appear to care for anyone but himself. The fact that he was so quick to use his abilities on a teammate was frankly concerning.  
“Verdammt, I should just create a mind-scanning lockdown device already,” Killjoy muttered. She hated not knowing what was going on, and it seemed that that was all that ever happened with the other agents.  
Although, perhaps she was digging too far. Omen and Cypher were infamously secretive.

Killjoy wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Cypher bolted.  
She’d almost dozed off when he shot up like an arrow, knocking over the turret she’d been tinkering on with a loud clatter. He wrenched the door open, and then he was gone.  
Killjoy blinked, initially not really realising what just happened. Then it registered, she cursed; and she gave chase.  
Cypher was surprisingly fast. Not what she’d expect for a man who spent most of his time staring into cameras and sniper rifles. She could barely keep up with him, especially given that he kept lobbing cages and tripwires at her in attempts to deter her.  
Why is he trying to get away from me? “Cypher, verdammt nochmal, stop running!” she panted. Where were the other agents when she needed them?  
Cypher was cleverly using her lack of adequate knowledge about the building to throw her off, taking winding, twisting paths – and then he ran out into the practice range.  
“Damn it, you’re so fast,” Killjoy huffed, trying to regain her breath. “What’s going on? I know Omen showed you something horrible. But why do you run from me? I’m trying to hilf you.”

Cypher didn’t grace her with an answer for a long time. He simply cast her a hard, cybernetic stare, one with no emotion behind it. 

Killjoy advanced. “Cypher-“  
~~

The other cut her off by grabbing the closest gun he could reach. A Sheriff. A covert little weapon, Killjoy remembered, one that killed instantly if the target was hit in the head. For that reason, a lot of the agents that had lots of experience gunslinging had it as their pistol of choice.  
Cypher’s voice broke her out of her small train of thought. “Come any closer, and I kill you and then myself.” His voice shook ever so slightly, and as did his hands.  
His words didn’t register in Killjoy’s brain for a few seconds. “Wait, what?” This was utterly unlike Cypher. He was intelligent. He knew he and Killjoy were two of the most important agents in the Protocol – sentinels were invaluable. Surely he was bluffing?  
And yet, with that serious tone of voice, Killjoy wasn’t sure if she wanted to test that.  
“You can’t be serious.” Killjoy’s disbelief was evident in her voice.

Suddenly Killjoy was reminded of the time she had rescued a stray pitbull back in Germany. The creature had been starving, cornered, afraid – snarling and cowering and threatening to attack if she made a wrong move.

This situation wasn’t so different. Cypher was, in this moment, no more than a cornered animal. Frightened and alone. And she would have to treat him as such.  
She remembered what she had done back then. Slow, careful movements, gentle, calm tone of voice.  
“I’m only trying to help you, Cypher,” she cooed softly. “I don’t know what Omen made you go through, I only want to help you. Please, Cypher.”

She needed to be careful still. Cypher was disturbingly intelligent. She was certain he wouldn’t appreciate being babied.  
His arms were still trembling, but slowly, the gun was lowered, though his fingers still clasped the trigger. Killjoy was worried that his shaky fingers may accidentally fire a shot. She wanted to hurry.  
“Put the gun down. Please,” Killjoy begged. “I don’t want either of us to get hurt.”  
She approached, slowly, surely. As if she were approaching an injured animal.  
~~~~  
The Sheriff fell to the floor with a soft clang.  
She thought Cypher may collapse with how he swayed on his feet. Although she couldn’t see his skin, she was certain that he was pale as anything.  
Killjoy approached, and she wrapped her arms around his waist.

It was a gamble. She had no idea how Cypher reacted to being touched. For all she knew, he had some kind of trauma relating to others touching him.  
However, evidently it paid off, for Cypher practically collapsed into her touch. He was surprisingly light for his build; Killjoy could feel his body wracking with uneven sobs that he tried to suppress, as his arms snaked around her to pull her close, like a small child hugging their pet cat. 

The embrace was almost crushing, but Killjoy knew that Cypher needed this.  
“It’s okay,” she muttered, “it’s okay. Just let it out.” 

How long did they stay there? Killjoy didn’t even know. She was far more focused on Cypher; she could feel him trembling gently against her. She was certain she would bruise from just how tightly Cypher clutched at her; but she couldn’t care less about that right now.

She had to wonder if anyone had seen Cypher like this before. Behind those empty cybernetic eyes were real emotions and feelings, Killjoy had learned. 

She recalled Brimstone’s words from before. Something about a traumatic past. Killjoy wondered about that.  
The First Light, and the war on Kingdom had caused trauma and grief for countless people. Cypher was most certainly not the only one. So why did she care?  
Killjoy didn’t know; but what she did know was she wanted Cypher to open up. She could open up robotics and people alike, but not Cypher. She wanted to get into his head – in a good way- and she wanted to know all of his secrets. Every little thing that troubled him.  
What had interested her so much in Cypher initially, though, was his file. She’d broken into Brimstone’s office and read through the files of all the agents (which she’d been specifically told not to do, but Killjoy wasn’t much of a good listener) but out of all of them, Cypher’s had intrigued him the most.  
It had held no information – not even simple things like country of origin, or age. There had been a sarcastic remark left on the file. Obviously Cypher had hacked into it to keep his information confidential. That had intrigued Killjoy; because if she cared more about others seeing her information she would’ve done the same. But she had little to hide.  
On the other hand, Cypher clearly had plenty to hide. 

Killjoy was wavered back to the present by the low chirrup of an owl soaring overhead, leading her to realise just how late it was. Stars were decorating the pitch dark sky above; and the headquarters were quiet. Most agents would probably be asleep right now.  
How long had they been out here? Killjoy didn’t know, but it must’ve been a while, because her bones were really starting to ache from Cypher’s grip.  
Was he asleep? It was hard to tell from his mask. His eyes appeared to be closed, though. Killjoy couldn’t really imagine Cypher falling asleep easily in such a vulnerable position.  
So Killjoy tried to gently pry Cypher’s hands from her, but he appeared to have a vice grip on her. Cypher was far stronger than he looked, and Killjoy struggled to dislodge his grip.  
“Cypher,” she hissed softly. He was unresponsive. Was he really asleep?  
“Hey!” she repeated, louder now, starting to squirm and elbow the other; and yet again she was ignored. She didn’t know whether to be annoyed, or honoured that Cypher felt safe enough to fall so deeply asleep in such a position.  
“Alright, plan B it is then.” With a grunt, Killjoy dislodged the hand that had her tech-summoning bracelet on it (she still needed to come up with a name for that) and was barely able to summon a small turret to shoot at Cypher.  
This turret was different from the normal sentry she used on missions; its purpose was to disarm and stun, similar to Cypher’s tripwires, rather than kill. She’d only designed it recently and hadn’t found the chance to test it out yet.  
It seemed to serve its purpose well, as Cypher was jolted awake, stumbling away from her, eyes hazy yet alert and ready for a fight.  
“Hey, relax.” Killjoy stretched her aching muscles. They must’ve been there for far longer than she intended. “You fell asleep on me, and it was…uncomfortable to say the least.” She recalled the bot back into her bracelet casually.  
“I did?” Cypher’s voice was hoarse and he sounded confused. “I don’t remember…”  
“Well, clearly you needed the rest.”  
For a minute, it was a staring contest between the two. Cybernetic blue eyes met framed brown ones. Killjoy was the first to look away.  
“Are you still tired? You should get some more rest in your room,” Killjoy remarked, crossing her arms. Another way in which Cypher was similar to her was that he was not a very good listener. She was quite prepared for him to resist.  
Cypher made like he was going to speak, but stopped himself.  
Killjoy quirked an eyebrow and turned to face him once more. “Well?”  
“I have nightmares,” he admitted. “I can only imagine they will be much worse after what…what Omen did. But…” He paused again.  
Killjoy narrowed her eyes, silently prompting him to continue.  
“But this time I didn’t,” he finished.  
“What are you saying?”  
Cypher sighed in defeat. “I-I want you to stay with me. Just for tonight. To see if it helps. My nightmares, that is.” He spoke quickly, as if trying to justify what he was saying.  
“Well, I’d be happy to.” Killjoy was surprised. Judging by how Cypher spoke and wouldn’t look her in the eye, he was embarrassed by what he was asking. Obviously he was unused to requesting help of others.  
“And you have never been to Sage about these nightmares?” Killjoy quipped.  
She couldn’t see his face, but Killjoy knew that Cypher was scowling. “What can she do to help?”  
“You’d be surprised. She’s a talented healer.”  
Killjoy started to head out of the range. She glanced back at Cypher.  
“Well, it is late. You should get some rest…I’ll be there.”

~

“How are we doing this, then?” 

They were both back at Cypher’s room, keeping their voices down as the walls were awfully thin in the headquarters, something Killjoy had often heard Viper complaining about. Both had changed into some more casual clothing. Killjoy appreciated the way Cypher’s wavy hair framed his face without a mask and a hat to constrain it, but she pushed that thought to the back of her mind.

“Do you want me in the bed? Or just in the room…?” Killjoy continued after receiving no answer. Cypher liked his space. She would respect that.  
“Just in the bed.” Killjoy watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. Cypher seemed very on edge. She wondered why. To her this was a trivial thing, but she supposed Cypher had never let anyone so close before. 

“Of course.” She made for the bed, but before getting in she got close to Cypher. The other shied away from her with a small, disgruntled noise. He didn’t seem afraid, simply nervous.  
“I can tell you’re nervous, Cypher. You’ll be fine.” She considered touching him, but decided against it and moved to the bed. She sat down, bringing the duvet over herself; beckoning for Cypher to do the same.  
After a delay, he followed, giving Killjoy a look she couldn’t place before lying down. She could hear a muttered “good night” faintly.  
“Gute Nacht, Cypher.” She turned away from him; hopefully making things less awkward for him, and closed her eyes, letting sleep overtake her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ao3 always fucks up my formatting and I have no idea how to make it stop. Please tell me if the formatting is difficult or aggravating to read and I'll try and reformat every chapter tonight. 
> 
> Other than that, the ending of this chapter might seem rushed cause I was trying to finish it before my school bus came LMAO. Please point out any errors as most of these chapters are written at 3 am when im sleep deprived (true story)
> 
> also if anyone wants to do a valorant roleplay msg me on discord Acro#0475 cause I love that. 
> 
> Translations:
> 
> verdammt nochmal - damn it/damn you  
> Gute Nacht - good night
> 
> Have a good day everyone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, fellas.
> 
> I'm aware this chapter is really filler, boring and short, and I'm sorry about that. I wrote 400 words Thursday evening last week, and the rest of them literally this morning. 
> 
> Before you accuse me of being a lazy cunt (which would be totally justified btw) my life has been hectic. Back to school, corona, and moving house has all built up into a whirlwind of depression, stress and anxiety. 
> 
> Not gonna go into detail, but I have a mental disability and my school refuses to support me properly for it. That makes school impossibly stressful and upsetting for me and often I'm locking myself in the school bathrooms and just bawling. 
> 
> I'm pretty certain I'm going into depression again, so that's really fun :))) I'm surrounding myself with people and things I enjoy to hopefully chase it away before it blossoms, though. 
> 
> So yeah, that's why this chapter sucks. I might even put this on hold for my own mental health but I'm stubborn and I want to keep to my 1 week update schedule to the very end. I already have the ending plotted out, just need to write it all.   
> I've just been playing Among Us, sleeping, roleplaying, and weeping because I'm too sad to go be a productive human being.   
> Shoutout to my roleplay partners. They keep me sane. 
> 
> Hope you guys were able to enjoy this one even though it was lackluster. I may even re-write it at some point when I'm in a better state of mind.

It had been years since Cypher had awoken to a warm body next to him. 

For a few, blissful moments, his brain convinced him that he was not in the VALORANT headquarters, and that this was not Killjoy asleep next to him, but his wife. He would hold her close, one hand tangled in her beautiful, thick hair, wake her up with gentle kisses as he offered to bring her breakfast in bed-

“Cypher?” 

The sleepy German voice snapped him out of his little fantasy. “Why is your hand in my hair?” 

Cypher mentally noted that Killjoy’s accent was particularly thick when she had barely woken up. Her ‘s’ sounds came out as ‘z’ sounds, and she rolled her r’s. 

He found it oddly endearing. 

He removed his hand from Killjoy’s hazel-colored hair, allowing his fingertips to brush the thick strands as he did so. Her hair was similar to Nora’s, he realised, though Nora’s hair was black. For a moment he wanted to return to his little dream - he wondered if Killjoy would take offense if he told her that he wanted to pretend she was his dead wife. 

He thought this would be awkward - it  _ should  _ be awkward. Cypher and Killjoy didn’t know each other  _ that _ well after all. And yet it was simply comforting. Watching his fellow sentinel yawning and squinting, pawing sleep from tired brown eyes somehow comforted him, and he didn’t feel the need to be embarrassed or ashamed.

She settled back into the bed, obviously not ready to get up just yet. Cypher wondered if he’d woken her up unintentionally. 

Cypher sat up, careful not to disturb his now half-asleep companion, simply gazing at her, taking in all of her features. If he imagined hard enough, she could almost be Nora, almost…

_ Get a hold of yourself, Aamir.  _ A stern voice in Cypher’s head scolded him.  _ She is dead. You are not. You must live in the present, not the past. _

Cypher sighed.

He considered settling back to sleep again. It was early, after all. Even the annoying cooing pigeons that Raze threatened to blow up every morning at breakfast had not awoken yet. The sun barely peeked over the pitch-black horizon.

And yet, he felt odd about returning to sleep with Killjoy there. It had been nice - he had been right, there was something about her comfort that staved off his nightmares. But when he would likely dream that it was Nora by his side instead, it somehow felt disrespectful - to his wife and Killjoy alike.

Eventually, he decided to just get up, careful not to further rouse the girl next to him, and head to the mess hall. It was too cold, too dark, and it was raining; meaning it would be rather impractical to go to the training area, or the range, where he usually hung out.

The mess hall was deserted - it was five in the morning, after all. He settled at one of the tables to collect his thoughts.

Of course, Killjoy immediately came into his mind. He couldn’t seem to keep the girl out of his brain for more than five minutes. 

Was she irritating, intruding, annoying? Most certainly. But at the same time, her constant cheerfulness, her passion for her tech, it all radiated a comforting aura, one that could very nearly make Cypher drop his guard and forget his past.

Nearly.

He always felt a stifling sense of guilt when he spent time with Killjoy. A scathing, biting voice would creep into the back of his head. Nora would be disappointed, it would tell him. Would remind him of how he was betraying her. Some days it was harder to ignore than others. 

Nora had always said that the only thing she ever wanted was for Cypher to be happy. So surely she wouldn’t be disappointed for Cypher to find another woman, right?

He only hoped so, but he was so terribly afraid that one day, when he met her once again in the afterlife, she’d spit on him, kick him down, refuse to have anything to do with him. 

That, and the fear of losing yet another that he cared for, were the two things stopping him from truly getting closer to Killjoy. 

He really needed a coffee.

~

“You’re up early.”

Cypher merely nodded at Sova, fingers clasped around the warm, cheap plastic cup. He wasn’t surprised to see Sova up so early - he was a hunter, after all.

Before Killjoy’s arrival, Sova had been the agent that Cypher was the closest to. They weren’t friends, no, but Cypher could easily make small talk with the Russian, something that couldn’t be said so easily for many of the other agents. Not to mention that the two made a terrifying tag team duo in battle. 

Sova took a seat next to him, placing a bowl of some kind of soup on the table, steam rising from the dish. He mixed the stuff around with a spoon. 

“So, word on the street’s that you and Killjoy-”

“We are nothing more than friends.” Cypher realised he sounded a little too defensive, and Sova could tell it too, because his non-augmented eye glittered knowingly. 

“I see. Well, she is certainly very fond of you. She follows you like a lapdog its master.” The Russian chuckled deeply. 

“I don’t see why,” Cypher muttered. “What is so special about me? I don’t even have any radiant powers.”

“I do not think you give yourself enough credit, Cypher.” Sova shook his head. “You are a very mysterious man, and Killjoy appears to be curious by nature. It’s no surprise she took such an interest in you.”

Cypher had finished his drink and was about to get up, but Sova gently clasped his arm, stopping him. 

“Cypher, I want you to give her a chance.”

“What?” Cypher eyed him with confusion. “I told you-”

“No,” Sova cut him off, “it is obvious. Killjoy seeks something more. I know you are reluctant to get close, and that you do not want to be hurt once again.” Cypher scowled at how much Sova knew. The man was very observant. 

“But I want you to give her a chance. You cannot forever run from happiness, afraid that hurt is soon to follow. The world is cruel, but sometimes you must give it a chance.” 

Sova released his arm, blowing on a hefty spoonful of soup. “I advise you to think about what I’ve told you.”

Cypher stood. 

“I suppose so.” 

He left the mess hall, leaving Sova alone. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kicked my ass.

Brimstone had an extremely grim expression on his face.

Four weeks had passed since Killjoy and Cypher had spent that night together. Their relationship was more than rocky, but it was progressing, slowly but surely, and Killjoy could safely call herself Cypher’s friend - she hoped.

“....three agents have been taken hostage…”

Killjoy snapped to attention at that.

She was at a supposed emergency meeting led by Brimstone. There were only four other agents with her - Breach, Phoenix, Jett, and Raze. It appeared that only Breach had been paying any attention at first; but at Brimstone’s sudden announcement, even rowdy Phoenix was listening closely. 

Brimstone appeared to know this, because he had a smug yet grim look on his face.

“As I said, three agents that set out for the missions on Ascent two days ago have been captured and taken hostage. Kingdom is asking for a ransom.”

Killjoy could feel dread starting to form in the pit of her stomach.

“The agents who have been captured are Cypher, Omen, and Viper.”

The small seed of dread blossomed into full blown, nauseating anxiety. Not just because Cypher was captive and possibly hurt - but Omen was there too. And Killjoy had seen first-hand how dangerous Omen could be when frightened or upset. 

“Sage and Reyna managed to return safely, but they are severely injured and are recovering. So I want three of you to volunteer for the rescue mission that will be launched in a few days time-”  
Brimstone had not even gotten the chance to finish speaking when Killjoy’s hand shot up. 

“I’ll go.”

Normally Brimstone would be irritated at an interruption (something something about respecting your elders and authorities) but this time, naught but a small smirk tugged at his lips. 

“Fine. Anyone else?”

~

Days passed, each one getting Killjoy’s nerves more and more twisted and on edge. None of the captured agents were very well-liked, and that proved an issue as none of the others were really willing to set off on a life-threatening mission to save them. Killjoy was certain it was only a sense of duty (and perhaps coaxing from Brimstone) that had Jett and Phoenix join her for the endeavor. 

Killjoy couldn’t imagine which agents she’d like less to have with her. 

Their skills were unquestionable, yes, but the two were nothing better than small children with their constant bickering and trying to out-pace one another. Not to mention Phoenix, in typical British fashion, and his non-stop complaints about anything and everything - especially the weather. 

Which seemed odd. Considering his country of origin, you’d think he’d be used to shitty weather.

They were due to leave in an hour. Killjoy would be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous. She hadn’t even started to discuss a potential plan with her two crewmates, for crying out loud. Surely Kingdom would be expecting them, and would shoot them down immediately.

Twenty minutes now. Each of Killjoy’s machines almost squeaked upon contact with how much time she’d spent cleaning them. 

She headed towards the main lobby of the building to wait for her companions. Shockingly, Jett and Phoenix were already there, accompanied by Reyna. 

Killjoy narrowed her eyes at the sight of the woman. “I thought you were in the medbay?” 

Reyna evenly returned the stare. “You do not truly know me if you think a couple of scratches will incapicitate me, niñita.”

After that exchange, the silence among the four was rather awkward. Killjoy had to wonder what reason Reyna had to want to volunteer for this mission, especially while injured - despite her scathing words Killjoy knew she was hurt. Reyna was selfish and cared for little other than herself - on occasion she’d even endanger her fellow agents to satisfy her unending hunger. She certainly did not seem the type of person to willingly volunteer for a rescue mission.

Killjoy supposed that all of the agents had things they were hiding. She wondered if the usually open Jett and Phoenix had things they were hiding. Probably.

Brimstone had arrived now. His posture and facial expression revealed an unusual stoic seriousness.   
“Time to leave,” he announced. “Hope you’re all up to this. I doubt this will be easy, but you’re all very capable.” 

None of the agents responded. Brim didn’t seem phased by this, heading outside and getting into the driver’s seat of the large military vehicle used for transporting agents to and from their missions. The rest of the agents wordlessly followed suite. 

As the car rocketed through various terrains, still no words were exchanged between the four agents. The stress and tension was obvious in the air. It was obvious that each of them was just as nervous as the other, even the usually nonchalant Jett and Phoenix.

It would be a long few days. 

~

16 hours. That’s how long it took for them to arrive. 16 hours of traveling by plane and car alike, and Killjoy’s legs were feeling weak. Whether that was from nerves or lack of use, it was hard to say.

The Kingdom building was huge and imposing, peering out from what was once a dense, forested area. Their logo was plastered across heavy concrete, however it was obvious even from a distance that it was not upkept quite as well as their propaganda and building that hung around the rest of the world.

That, and the barred windows, made it undeniable that this was a prison building. 

“Okay.” Brimstone’s voice was low and serious. “This is serious, guys. No joking around.” He gave a hard stare to Jett and Phoenix both, whom returned with indignant glares. 

“Here is the plan. Jett is agile, so she will go in first as a distraction. Drag ‘em out. Then, we will proceed in. Jett, be careful and ensure you are not caught. We don’t have to deploy a second rescue mission later.” The way Brim said it was like a joke, yet his dead serious demeanor never changed.

“Once Jett has distracted them, we will go in. We’ll rely on Killjoy’s traps to keep us safe from behind, make sure they don’t surround us.”

Killjoy felt a little pang when she realised that this was usually Cypher’s job on missions. No time to think of that though.

“Okay. Ready guys? Let’s go.”


	8. UPDATE

Not an update, sorry.

I have been moving house, and I was not able to write for a good portion of this time because I do that on google docs for easier formatting, and i wasn't able to get on the internet. Thats the main reason for no update last thursday. 

The other reason is that im unmotivated as hell, like i said before im struggling with mental health a little bit, and honestly thinking about doing this fic, and sitting down and trying to write the chapter I have 600 words written for rn, makes me wanna bawl. 

Hope you guys understand - the fic is not abandoned since i have the ending planned, but Im taking a break from it. 

Its not the end of my writing though. I have a viper/reyna fic planned that im very excited to start posting! And maybe even a series of smut one shots that i'm working on as well. 

Btw, if anyon wants to interact with me, my discrod is Acro#0475. If you wanna roleplay, or just talk, then pls feel free to add me (just do tell me that you add me from ao3)

Peace guys.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back bitches. Only 1 chapter left.

Cypher was certain that he’d rather be dead than in this situation right now.

Locked in a cramped, musty, and frankly disgusting cell with two agents that Cypher was definitely not convinced were sane.

Each of them was wearing a tightly-fitting bracelet, that painfully seemed to stop blood circulation. These bracelets appeared to prevent the use of radiant abilities, judging by how Omen was howling and scratching at the walls like some kind of rabid animal, claws flexing as he fruitlessly tried to use abilities. 

Cypher’s suspicions were confirmed when he took hold of one of his tripwires. The thing was completely unresponsive; the magnetic field of his gloves weren’t working, and he couldn’t attach the wire to the walls. He found it curious how these bracelets also seemed to prevent the use of radiant technology, not just abilities. 

He’d have to ask Killjoy about them. From what he’d heard she’d worked for Kingdom in the past. 

_ Killjoy.  _

All of a sudden dread formed in his stomach. Inevitably, the Protocol was planning a rescue mission, and undoubtedly Killjoy would be there. 

Why was he worried? Cypher knew Killjoy could handle herself - where those bots failed her, she was surprisingly talented with a gun. 

But still, Cypher worried. 

Cypher worried, and he contemplated, and he thought,  _ anything  _ to get his mind off Viper and Omen bickering and fighting. 

Eventually, he lost his cool and snapped at them. 

“Can you two shut up for  _ one second?  _ We’re stuck in here together for the foreseeable future. Might as well get along.”

It got them to stop fighting for the moment - though they kept giving each other childish glares - that was mostly Omen’s work, though.

  
  


Days passed, though they felt like years to Cypher. Without his cameras, he felt worse than blind. The three of them were left on the brink of starvation - likely to keep their energy down in case of an escape attempt - only given tiny bits of bread and water to sustain themselves, having to fight each other over each scrap. Though Cypher at first tried to sort it out in a civil manner, Omen in this situation was even  _ worse  _ than a wild animal. 

It was day five, when his strength and hope was starting to wane, when Cypher heard explosions outside, bustling and panic setting in on the inside of the Kingdom building.

Those weren’t any regular explosions, either. Cypher knew them well. They belonged to Raze.

And soon, the building was stormed.

Cypher was no stranger to gruesome battlefields, but this was the stuff of nightmares. Seemingly endless Kingdom soldiers, running in to die, screams of agony and the scent of blood and burning flesh filling Cypher’s nostrils to the point it became hard to breathe.

A familiar figure appeared - but not the familiar figure that Cypher had hoped. A blazing wall of flame erupted just outside of the cell, and an excited-looking Phoenix emerged from it, metaphorical fire dancing in his eyes. 

“Woo!” he exclaimed in an excited voice, reaching up to push a button behind his ear to communicate with the others. “I found ‘em! They’re just on the front floor... “

For a moment, just a split second, Phoenix’s features became grim. Dark. A look completely foreign to see on possibly VALORANT’s most cheerful character, but just as soon as it came, it was gone. 

“Fine. You clear a path for me, I’ll bring ‘em to the front. They look pretty weak. Gotcha. In a bit.” 

Spraying down a couple more guards, Phoenix revealed a key - judging by the blood staining steel, he had not obtained this key legitimately - and opened the door. 

His eyes narrowed upon noticing those bracelets. “I know those,” he murmured. “Here.”

With a careful use of burning fingertips, the bracelets melted enough for them to come off, and Cypher already felt better. He could tell Omen felt the very same way - judging by the way dark shadows dripped from claws. He was hungry for revenge.

“Nothing too brisk now. We need to get the lot of ya outta here before Kingdom reinforcements arrive. Can everyone walk? C’mon!” With a quick movement of Phoenix’s arm, the blazing wall of flame evaporated, and Phoenix ran, gunning down any Kingdom employees unfortunate enough to be in his way.

It wasn’t easy for any of them. The three agents were weak from malnutrition, and having not moved in days. But Phoenix was loyal, and he was determined. He protected them.

The helicopter was just outside. Phoenix ushered them inside. Brimstone was driving the thing, and Jett appeared too, blood coating pristine knives, a grin on her face.

“Looks like I win, Phoenix!”

The fire-bird rolled his eyes. 

Inwardly, Cypher did the same. Those two  _ had  _ to make a game out of everything. In a way, it was admirable. 

“You only sent two agents to raid a Kingdom facility?” Cypher questioned in slight disbelief.

Complete silence met his question for a long, long second, before the reply came.

“It worked, didn’t it?”

Brimstone sounded unusually defensive. Cypher decided to ignore it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me if the formatting looks trash cus idk

Cypher’s suspicions were starting to rise.   
  
A couple of days had passed since his surprisingly safe return to headquarters, one which was met with a surprisingly small amount of resistance from Kingdom. That, too, fuelled his suspicions – he would’ve thought that Kingdom would work harder to keep such dangerous, high profile captives within their iron-clad grips. And yet, the rescue had gone effortlessly.

That wasn’t the mean reason for his concerns, though.

Killjoy had been nowhere to be found ever since his return – hadn’t even noticed a stray alarmbot that she’d always leave messily around the place (resulting in Brimstone threatening to confiscate and break them, much like an exasperated parent to a young child), not even a flighty lock of jet hair buzzing behind her as she quickly rounded a corner.  
  
Cypher was a man that could not stand being without answers, no matter big or small – although his cameras caught mostly everything – so it certainly didn’t take him long to start investigating.

She wasn’t in the medbay – Cypher had been there for a few hours for a check-up by Sage along with the other agents who had been captured, just in case. The place had been deserted.

Cypher’s immediate second notion was to check Killjoy’s room. The girl _never_ locked her door – he wasn’t even certain if she knew their doors _could_ be locked. She was always far too zoned out on whatever she may be working on to even notice anyone coming in – many a time Cypher had unintentionally startled her by entering and talking. He’d learnt to touch a gentle hand to her shoulder beforehand.

Oh, many a time Cypher had to chastise Omen for teleporting inside of her room and giving the poor engineer half a heart attack; unkempt, shadowy claws raking her shoulder blades and even drawing blood. Cypher had heard the poor girl’s scream from the kitchen located in the very opposite side of the building.

Cypher shook his head to clear them of the intrusive memories, pushing his way into the engineer’s room.

Messy, as per usual, random parts, as well as discarded inventions littered the floor. Cypher was nearly certain he recognised a couple of lenses from _his_ cameras, too. Making off with his parts and innocently getting away with it was one of Killjoy’s specialities.

Her desk was an even bigger mess. It looked like a bomb had blown up on it – broken alarmbots, blueprints and sheets of messy writing containing future ideas and hypothesises everywhere, and Cypher also recognised some parts from Killjoy’s sentry bot, along with hastily scribbled notes, presumably on how to improve them.

Despite this, though, the engineer herself was nowhere to be seen – her bedcovers were sprawled everywhere, and her beanie was gone too.

No, she was certainly not here. That put a frown to Cypher’s face; he’d already checked the main places where she could be located.

VALORANT agents were not forbidden from leaving HQ so long as they weren’t missing any important meetings or missions, and so many agents took liberty to leave, to get food, do some drinking, or even just get some fresh air, get away from their comrades for a bit. In most cases, that would be what Cypher would suspect – except for the fact, he _knew_ Killjoy. Knew she didn’t just up and leave – the girl was happiest in her lab, tinkering with some new bot or other.

And so, when his investigations failed him, Cypher turned to asking his fellow agents.

He decided to ask Omen first, knowing full well the ghastly shadow wouldn’t know anything, and that suspicion was confirmed when Omen answered him with a hiss, a snarl, and a door slammed aggressively in his face.

Clearly, he wasn’t in the mood for talking just yet.

Next up was Viper – Killjoy and Viper were both scientists, and Cypher had seen them congregating together on a couple of occasions, though he took note that Viper seemed to brush the engineer away, clearly uninterested in pursuing a conversation or even an acquaintanceship with her.

At the mention of Killjoy’s name, pale Viper seemed to contract the complexion of a spectre.

She seemed to contemplate, a look on her face that Cypher recognised; it was one of thought and concentration she had when lining up her neurotoxins – then, she spoke.

“She’s…”

Viper turned away. Walked to the other end of her lab. Inspected various cages and tanks of rats, mice, snakes, and birds. Cypher had to wonder how on earth she was able to maintain them all.

“She’s dead, Cypher.”

All of a sudden, it was as if Cypher’s world froze. He stood, shock still – he was glad he wore a mask, for his expression was one of comedic horror and disbelief.

“What…what? You can’t be serious,” Cypher managed to splutter out, his voice betraying his utter disbelief.

Viper was lying to him.

He knew it. Yes, she had to be. She was a cruel snake, one that saw others suffer for her own amusement – be it emotionally or physically. She was not to be trusted.

Cypher was just about to spin on his heel and ask some of the other agents, forcing back the horror welling up in his throat, but suddenly Viper was right there, cut-throat fingers digging into his shoulder, forcing him to look into those callous eyes of emerald, those eyes that betrayed no emotion, only dead beset solemnity.

“She ran ahead of us. Was gunned down before any of us could even blink. Even Sage couldn’t piece back together what was left of her.”

And though Viper’s viridescent irises betrayed nothing, Cypher was not master of manipulation for nothing. He could see the tint of sadness there.

And it was that tint that made Cypher realise she was being truthful.

“Wait.”

Cypher was already gone.

“ _I’m sorry, Cypher, but even my powers has its limits. She simply got so excited at the prospect of seeing you that she lost her head in a way that not even her robotics could save her…she was in an awful state, even if I could’ve revived her, she would’ve lived out the rest of her existence a cripple…”_

Sage’s terrible words echoed in his brain. Those words, so full of pity and grief and compassion, that they turned Cypher’s distraught to fury. He’d stormed out of the medbay, lest he end up taking his emotions out on the poor healer.

Normally, Cypher was a mastermind at concealing how he truly felt.

But now?

No, he couldn’t let them see his true metaphorical face. Not now.

And so he’d left HQ.

Cypher’s legs seemed to move of their own accord. He felt numb. Felt like all of this was naught but a fever dream. That they were lying to him. That he’d return to HQ, and be greeted by Killjoy’s annoying yet endearingly bubbly voice, the way she bounced on the balls of her feet with excitement like a little puppy; she’d adjust her glasses on her face as she rambled on about some new invention she’d been working on; until she had to pause for breath.

Perhaps, he could pinch himself and he’d wake up, Killjoy with her horrible yet cute puffy yellow jacket in the kitchen, all sleep deprived from working all night, sipping at a cup of coffee languidly, and yet when she’d see Cypher, those sparks would dance in her eyes and she’d wave at him, nearly spilling the coffee in the process.

And to think, Killjoy had never even seen his real face.

Cypher curled up in the grass. Where even was he? Eyes scanned the area; and he realised – Killjoy had once brought him here, showed him all of the beautiful flowers that resembled indigo dandelions, excitedly explaining that these flowers were native to her country, that she’d grown them herself.

She’d picked one oh so carefully, and handed it to Cypher with sparkles in her eyes.

“I want you to have it,” she’d gleamed. “Even when I’m not there, it’s like you’ll have a part of me!”

“Oh, my little engineer.” Cypher removed the mask, feeling the tears stinging at inhuman eyes. And no matter he much he tried to will them, force them back, they fell onto the grass; and then, it was a constant dream, Cypher’s sides heaving with each trembling, oscillating sob.

Cypher cried tears he wasn’t even aware he possessed. For what felt like hours, he laid on the grass; one of those beautiful blue flowers just in his vision. One trembling hand reached out, plucked the flower by its stalk; Cypher brought the plant to his face and took a deep breath, letting the scent fill his sinuses.

Even the smell reminded him of Killjoy.

Then, suddenly, he sat up so fast his head, pounding from the tears shed, started to spin in protest. He didn’t care.

Looking down at the flower he now held in his palm, Cypher suddenly clenched his fist so hard he could hear the plant break down, protesting such a vicious act.

Now, the thing was naught but a sad clump of leaves, stalk and petals. And with that, Cypher removed each and every petal with all the force of a newborn, slowly letting each one drift away in the light current, until nothing remained.

His suspicions had always been right. Getting close to anybody would only end in hurt. No matter who they were. What they did.

Aamir would not make the same mistake a third time.


End file.
